My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
