so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
