dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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