Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
