My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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