we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
