So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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