her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
