at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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