She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
