I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
