Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
