what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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