I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
this is an emotional support booty call
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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