You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize