help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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