My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
