one might say we're banned from that church
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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