When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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