I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i came on her dog
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize