Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
