can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize