Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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