It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
FUCK WHALES
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