Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
