I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
