just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
