the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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