They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
