My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
