good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
