he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
