Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
