Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
