mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize