you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
