i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
