I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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