So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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