now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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