why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
