I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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