K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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