dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sext me about skeletons
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