I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
