apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
