Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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