Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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