capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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