I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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