Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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