you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
