I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
