K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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