so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
