I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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