We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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