i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
