If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
