just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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