and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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