Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
