I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
