Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
