Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need a beard to bite.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
