she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
