I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
