Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
