Your face is a jimmy john
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize