ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
