Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
