I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
