All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
