You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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